Have you ever felt like everyone was against you? Trying to hold you back. BUt you didn't know that they we're only trying to protect you?
What if you don't need protection? Huh? Cause i don't. I really and truly don't. i can handle myself. And i wish my siblings would understand that. I'm just trying to live my life. No one is going to hurt me. Damn! Anyway, i have 2 twin sisters and a brother and another sister. They are all grown and think that I'm just a baby. Why? I don't get it.
[[Samina]
[[Tae]]
[[Mara]]
[[TJ]
I hate them. LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THEY DID! That is the best part. I was walking home with my new bf and TJ pops out of no where in his stupid little sports car and says,'' Get in, you have a dentist appointment for that hot ass breath you breathing.'' He is 19 years old. Shouldn't he be doing something else. I knew i didn't have an appointment. He was checking me. So i looked at him as if i didn't know who he was. I kept walking and he kept on rolling slowly beside us. ''Is this dude bothering you ,babe?'' SCHREECH!! The car stopped. He got out and walked over to my boyfriend Daraun and I sighed. What now? I thought. He was all in Daruan's face talking about how he better step down cause I'm his little sister. And that he'll f.ck him up if he even heard that he did me wrong.
Do i look like a little baby? No i do not. So the moral of this story is. Don't let you big brother control you like I do. He'll ruin your life. I had to break up with him and now people think TJ is crazy and psycho and that he cut Daraun's arm. Daraun had that cut before i even met him. Rumors i tell you.
JULY 18TH - 2005.
I woke up today in my house. My room was a mess and it was only 7:00 am. i quickly jumped up and got dressed.
I ran down stars and grabbed a honey bun. ''Hello!!?'' I yelled to see if anyone of my siblings were home. No answer. You see, my siblings raise me because my mother and father are crackheads. Heaven knows where they are now. They just won't quit. I used to come home and quickly do my homework and run the streets looking for them. I found my mother once and she didn't recognize me. She thought i was a dealer. I cried my way home. I don't think anyone understands the way I feel.
On my way walking to Oak View High, I listened to my little Mp3 that my brother bought me for my 15th birthday a few years ago with his first paycheck. He works at Mcdonald's full time. My sister Mara is working a Hank's Laundry Mat. And my sister Tae works at the gas station up the street from where i live. My other sister Mina is unemployed, she has a bad drinking problem and can't keep a job. She smokes weed all day at her friend Terese's house. '' Move bitch.'' I looked up from my mp3. It was a tall dark and handsome guy, his name was Trey. I love me some Trey. ''I-I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it I swear. I'll move.'' ''You got some kind of stuttering problem? I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I loves Harpo, God knows I dooooo.'' All his friends cracked up. I turned away and went straight to my locker. I was in such a hurry because those kids were still laughing. My drawing book/ doodle book slipped and fell to the floor. I tried to bend to retrieve it, but Maggie reached it and snatched it. She was the school's popular girl so to speak. She ran the school, she and her little posse. I honestly couldn't stand her. ''HMMMM! WHAT DO WE HAVE HER, MISS JAYNE? SO YOU LIKE TO DRAW NA? YOU CAN'T DRAW NO BETTAH THAN MY LITTLE COUSIN POOKIE SHE WOULD WHOOP THE BRE-- WHAT IS THIS?'' she loved to talk so loud. Like she was so important. She had just flipped onto a page i doodled in study hall about Trey. I wrote:
''Dear Trey,My love,
We must soon be together
Forever and ever
To love eachother
Hug eachtother
Live our lives in Harmony
[ that would be our daughter's name]
Or live in peace in happiness because
If i can't have you
No one can....
JOKE''
i was mad as hell. Why did she just read my journal to everyone? A tear formed in my eye. It was just a little poem/joke. Who would take it serious, but her, on the count of she is his girlfriend. That was a big mistake. I shouldn't have let her read it. But what could I do? She would probably kill me for it. Since it did have her boyfriend's name in there. When i snapped out of it, everyone was staring at me. I blinked back my tears and grabbed my book. She shook her head and said,''MMMMHH, WHAT A BIG SHAME. YOU ARE TRYING TO PLOT TO KILL ME AND MY MAN. HOW PATHETIC EVERYONE! SHE WANTS TREY-BOO. WELL GUESS WHAT DEAR?'' I looked up and wiped the tear from my little lonely eyes. '' What?'' She flipped her long weave and said,'' HE DON'T WANT YOU! AND IF I EVER CATCH YOU TALKING ABOUT MY MAN, LOOKING AT MY MAN, EVEN THINKING ABOUT MY MAN YOU ARE SO GONE FROM OAK VIEW HIGH!!! SO GO ON AND PACK YOUR BAGS, CAUSE THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE! AIN'T EVEN CLOSE TO OVER BOO-BOO. PEACE! POSSE OUT!'' She snapped her long nailed finger and marched away with LeLe, Bobby, and Marsha in tow.
Throughout the whole entire day, people gave me rude looks and poked their noses in the air. I looked down as usual. Why do people always want to get the wrong idea about me? Am i really a mean person? I always thought i treated people nicely. I guess i'll have to be even nicer to Marsha,LeLe,Bobby, and Maggie. So when I was at my locker getting my HEAVY backpack ready to go home. I got a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and it was none other than Maggie. '' I'm sorry about this morning. I just wanted to scare you. Everybody has been after Trey, i just get so possessive, it's not your fault. How about you come hang around the cool kids now. And if you are gonna be one of us. You've got to look like one of us. SO stop by my house tonight around 10 when everyone is sleep. OK?'' I honestly can say this is the nicest i've ever seen her. She wasn't even that loud or anything. Wow! I just can't believe it. I was speechless so I nodded gently. She patted my boney shoulder and walked away. On my way home, I was still shocked. But I had to leave my shockness behind when I turned into my neighborhood. The roughest and toughest of them all. I lived on Sheralk Lane. There are pitbulls being forced to fight, crackheads roming around, bad asses shooting dice, gang bangers standing around with their pistols in their pants. Ladies selling themselves on the corner, and little kids playing. I was walking and a dumb guy grabbed my backpack and spinned me around. I was afraid, I can tell you that for sure. These guys around here aren't scared of nobody. They'll rape you in front of all these people in the middle of the street. ''What's yo name gul?'' My eyes darted across his face, not wanting to strike him as the hard type. I looked at my shoes and- ''Answer me fo I have to do somethin'! Bitch open yo mouth!!'' I winced at the B word and said,'' Uhhh, Katie. Katie Holmes.'' He wouldn't know that that was an actress. ''Well....KATIE HOLMES, you got a thick a.ss behind on you. You look too right might I add. I bet you been eating them collard greens ya mami made ya. Huhh? Follow me behind this building before I hurt you aiight!!??'' I did as i was told, not thinking about the concequences. He then pushed me on the ground. We were behind a old tarring building. I was huddled up near a garbage heap. He was standing there admiring me.'' Get on you knees.'' I did so, not knowing what to expect when he pulled out his dic.k. I was 3 seconds from tears. '' You know the drill.'' Indid i did. But i still didn't want to do it. He slapped my purse out of my hand as I was reaching to see if I had my cell. I cried out, and tried to scream but her punched me. He then pinned me down and started shoving his penis in my face. I turned my head but he told me to open up. I said, ''NO!!!'' He kicked me and then i heard a click. I looked up and saw a gun. I froze. He pointed it at my nose and said,'' Suck....'' I did but I didn't like it one bit. I cried the entire time. It was a sad day for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment